Kami no ko wa kami
by metroanime
Summary: What if Genma wasn't Ranma's dad and hadn't had *that* much influence? What if the Senshi had no Make Up? What if Ukyo was Ranma's sister?
1. Chapter 1: "A fifteen minute indiscreti...

Kami no ko wa kami  
  
chapter one: "A fifteen minute indiscretion"  
  
To disclaim or not to disclaim, that is a question. Whether tis more noble to proclaim that these characters are not mine and merely a speculative muse on the part of one metroanime@mindspring.com or to simply get on with the story and leave such obvious commentary off... aye, there the rub. For in this dream of Reality, who (Descartes argument to the side) can truly say who is the dreamer and who the dream? The title of this piece is from an old Japanese proverb.  
  
"There's actually a logical reason for this. Give me a moment and I'll figure out what it is."  
- L.Costello  
  
---------  
  
Toltiir watched. For him, the past was easy to watch as the present. The future he *could* view, but preferred not to. Knowing what was going to happen was *boring* whereas a surprise could be unpleasant but at least provided some break from ennui.  
  
One of the times where he hadn't even left an essence fragment at the Well of Mimir had proven to be... interesting.  
  
Toltiir still wasn't sure about where Kami-sama was going with this Heaven stuff. Maybe it hadn't been going on long enough, and the result would be easier to discern after a few more eons. Toltiir could wait.  
  
Like a mortal megapolis, the version of Heaven currently being visited by the Elder was composed of several sections which had grown together over the centuries. Each was presided over by an essence fragment of the One. As was usual with long seperated fragments, they often manifested seperate personalities.  
  
Such was the case with the Olympian essence fragment. Aka: Zeus.  
  
This particular god had visited the Well, choosing a time when Toltiir was absent, knowing that the frequently feline Elder would not time travel in Heaven. (One of the differences between being a god of Mischief and a god purely of Chaos was that Mischief often operated by rules. Not that said rules had to make sense.) Zeus had made his own entry, changing a decision by a group of Dutch traders from "don't get involved in local politics" to "help refugees as they may be future customers."  
  
A visiting kunoichi spirit guardian had thrown a tiny stone that had little consequence, it being a change of one tiny chromosome during fetal development, therefore a girl named Kodachi Kuno was born with a great heart and love of life. This cheerful and optimistic girl went on to become the darling of Saint Hebereke, and while she never won a gymnastics match had a much happier life than was usual.  
  
Unfortunately, said action drew the attention of Zeus, who had gotten tired of Hera going through one of her frigid periods again. (Gossip placed Hera as "dallying" with Artemis and some nymphs again, which would have thoroughly scandalized any number of mythology students.) (On the other hand, it was well known among certain areas that while Zeus was fond of certain things, some of Hera's tastes were a little ...odd... even by the standards of a jaded Greek.)  
  
Zeus, while chasing the female ninja around the Well, took notice of a scene within the Well of a lonely young woman who was pining for her husband. A husband who was out on a training mission with a perverted martial arts master named Happosai. Realizing that the kunoichi had used the moment of distraction to use the Art Of Stealth, Zeus turned his attention to this other target.  
  
Toltiir winced as Zeus resorted to old habits and took the form of the comely young wife's husband and commenced a seduction. While the young lady had some suspicions, as apparently her real husband never having heard of (much less practiced) foreplay, she was sufficiently hopeful and lonely that these weren't enough to raise an alarm.  
  
Zeus then added a reward by finding the young husband while he was training, and managed to whisk him from a campsite in Hokkaido to his home in Juuban. A year earlier than he would otherwise have done so.  
  
Toltiir was *not* surprised to learn that Nodoka Saotome was pregnant. Likewise, he was not surprised that Nodoka kept any suspicions to herself. Especially as Zeus had neglected to alter Genma's memories or garments. ESPECIALLY when the child was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, a year prior to when their first/only child would have been otherwise birthed. Definitely *not* a pureblood Japanese.  
  
Toltiir looked around. "Letsee, a crossover timeline. Non-canon. Well, watching this by myself isn't *nearly* as much fun as it would be with someone to chuckle with. Hmmm. Ed? No, he's off with Kiyone again. Edema? Busy. Grey? Nah, he's on those Labor thingies. Skysaber, god of Crossovers? Hmmm. Maybe... Ah, why not?"  
  
*POP!*  
  
"What do you want, Puck? My time is valuab... A son?!"  
  
"So what Gift will you give your child?" The feline being inquired of the Greek. Toltiir *was* a god of mischief, after all. Besides, he really wanted to avoid meddling in that Grey fellow's Labor. This time. "Strength, courage, perserverence, a few magical items to tide him over?"  
  
"I've done that. Hercules, Perseus, Ulysses, William Florence..."  
  
"William Florence?! Never heard of him."  
  
"Unfortunately Hera did. Called off a tryst with a couple of nymphs to 'attend to the problem.' The results were pretty much what usually happens." Zeus shrugged. "American born in 1901. Died in 1906 due to a storm surge."  
  
"Have you considered using protection?" Toltiir was not referring to protecting the child.  
  
"That was *with* me using protection." Zeus shrugged, understanding the Elder's reference. "Cold showers don't cut it after a few decades."  
  
"Ahem." Toltiir didn't comment further. Zeus was of a time where lusty was considered a virtue, and not everyone managed to adapt to changing times. Or bothered. "So, no Gift?"  
  
"I made that mistake with Henry, Hera still found out about it and took 'measures'." Zeus scratched his beard and looked thoughtful. He didn't really intend for there to be 'issue' from these things, but it rankled that Hera tended to overreact (in his estimation) to these little reminders that birth control was not 100% effective all the time. Zeus' daughters didn't fare too well either. "Courage, perserverence, honor, these and more the child will get from his mother. No doubt he won't get some of the martial arts talent from Genma just due to environmental influences. How did this timeline end prior to the change?"  
  
"This timeline originally ended in 1993 when all life was exterminated. One of those Moon Kingdom timelines where something went wrong and the Senshi never develop." Toltiir looked it over critically. A darkline. He didn't care for darklines at all. Hard to find humor in a cemetary. Not impossible, but there were easier audiences.  
  
"Explain, Puck." Zeus' voice didn't contain any humor.  
  
Toltiir nodded. When one of his kids was involved, Zeus normally got really up on giving the kid a fair shake. He may have been a perverted and lusty old Aspect but he also had some good qualities that could shine through when his children were involved. "The SM timelines all involve a Silver Millenium, usually involving a Moon Kingdom. In most of them, the kingdom falls due to a certain unrequited love affair and the presence of a Class III (subclass: Vampiric) Entity named Metal'la. There's a major juncture point in these SM timelines where the Silver Crystal is first used to gather up the various heroes and send them forth to be reborn in another millenium."  
  
The cat's tail flicked and an image appeared over the Well. The image depicted certain sailor suited warriors of love and justice fighting youma. "Roughly seven out of ten will have the wording just right so that the forces of darkness and light are basically in the same roles they were back at the end of the Silver Millenium. This is what usually happens: sentai magical princesses versus one set of vampiric or minor demonic opponents."  
  
Another tailflick. Another image, this one showing the same girls, but wearing very different costumes and fighting similarly clad foes. "Out of a hundred, ten will have it so that the groups are still heroes and villains reborn - but neither Dark Kingdom or Moon Kingdom. Those are the ones with superpowered teenage mutants or more Western style superheroes as opposed to the mystic sentai-style types of the Moon Kingdom."  
  
  
Another tailflick produced a third such image alongside the other two. This one showed the girls, but wearing normal clothing and engaged in normal pursuits. "Another ten percent, roughly, will have the Silver Millenium champions be absolutely normal people. In those, if their opponents show up their world ends shortly thereafter or other champions arise.  
  
"This is one of those timelines where they were sent forward in time, but they don't have the henshin sticks or magical powers. No Luna or Artemis to act as guidance counselors, but also no hidden agenda."  
  
"Hmmm." Zeus hmmmed. "What of the remaining ten percent?"  
  
"Real weird stuff, caused by a miscasting of the spell or the terms being lousily set," Toltiir confided. "The Millenium Crystal, after all, is essentially a device to grant wishes, with the emotional or spiritual strength of the user being the battery it draws on. And you *know* how wild wishes can get. So in some: the Senshi are superpowered vampires, or Princess Usagi's birth gets thrown off by a decision to freeze the fertilized ovuum until the Tsukino family gets their finances under better control, or they're children of the gods, or something *really* bizarre like the one where they're superpowered android teenaged girls, or even the one where they're pokemon. Pokewomen. Whatever."  
  
"I don't think I want to even consider it," Zeus considered with a shudder. He disliked pokemon but he typically disliked sentai series as well. He liked the short skirts though.   
  
There were, a quick glance at the Well now that he knew to look for the patterns, revealed hundreds of non-sentai Senshi timelines. Some of which looked as if they were thriving quite well. The thought of his son romantically linked to a fair number of these Senshi was attractive. In some ways, Zeus' ideas of what constituted manly meshed very well with Nodoka's own concepts. "I think something special is called for."  
  
"You're kidding... No, you wouldn't kid when one of your kids is involved." Toltiir grinned, just *knowing* that this could turn *interesting.*  
  
--------June 3, 1977--------  
  
Genma presented the paper to his wife. "...and so I have to take him on a long training trip, otherwise your maternal influence will leave him weak and girlish!"  
  
Little two year old Ranma wanted to play, but neither adult was paying attention. He grabbed Genma's ankle and tried to get noticed. "BAM!BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM! BAM!"  
  
"Dearest?" Nodoka looked at where her husband had been lifted by the right ankle and repeatedly slammed into the floor. "When you're able to talk again, be sure to tell me exactly HOW my influence is weakening Ranma or making him girlish. Ranma, put your Daddy down, dear."  
  
"Bam!"  
  
"Mmmfhf!" Genma mumbled from where he had been imbedded into the floor.  
  
------August 3, 1981---------  
  
*BOOM*  
  
Ukyo looked around nervously. The time was right. "I-I-I won't let you down, pappa!"  
  
*BOOM* *BOOM*  
  
Pebbles danced. Windows rattled. Cursing from a French restaurant down the street as a souffle expired prematurely.  
  
*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*  
  
"Pa-pa?!" The five year old squeaked and gripped her spatula tightly. Ukyo faced the appropriate direction, though her trembling knees gave away that she wasn't as brave as she was trying to appear.  
  
"Ah, they get along so well," Akira Kuonji confided to the woman next to him.  
  
*THOOM!* *Boomboomboomboomboom*  
  
Genma glanced over at the two others sitting at the yattai and wondered about this. He didn't miss the glance Akira sent his way.  
  
"I was surprised to learn that your husband had originally planned to abandon my daughter." ~Also pissed as hell, vengeful, and wanting to pound him flatter than a breakfast crepe.~  
  
"When Ranma told me about the joke he'd played on his father: of jumping off the yattai, grabbing his old buddy and hiding 'him' to introduce 'him' to me," Nodoka said shaking her head, "I was naturally quite curious. A few inquiries turned up that my husband had made a deal that he should not have. HE is not the Head of Clan, after all, that responsibility - along with details of the family treasure and the family sword, is mine."  
  
Genma stuck his head up at the phrase "family treasure" but wilted under the combined glares.  
  
The booms settled down into a steady rumble, Ukyo started tracking it, realizing that Ranma was circling the area to come in at a different angle. More, he was deliberately stomping to give away his position. She swallowed nervously. Ranma was her friend, her very best friend. She liked him a lot. She knew he liked her a lot.  
  
Silverware clattered. Buildings lost pieces of brick. Water sloshed in the nearby lake.  
  
Ukyo liked Ranma a lot more when she wasn't trying to keep him away from the food. Or the two had been told that Ranma could only eat if he managed to get past Ukyo. No, *defeat* Ukyo. And Ranma had a problem misjudging his strength.  
  
Ukyo whimpered, feeling very much like a little girl who was about to try and stop a freight train with a training spatula.  
  
"Why *were* you so anxious to arrange this marriage? Ranma is only six, your own daughter only five." Nodoka considered the girl who looked like she was about ready to wet herself and felt her heart go out for the child.  
  
"Saotome-san, I am dying," the okonomiyaki chef confessed. "It was my fervent wish to see my daughter cared for."  
  
Ukyo whimpered again as she remembered Ranma vs the Gambling King. All she'd had to do was yell that the older man had hurt her. She'd never seen the Gambling King come down and Ukyo could well picture the King still orbitting the Earth, a little comet trail of marked cards behind him. It didn't take much more imagination to picture herself in the same position.  
  
It would be nice to participate in a Japanese space program, but she'd prefer to go in a spaceship or something.  
  
Though Ukyo would quite quickly say that she didn't need some boy defending her, there *was* something comforting in the thought that if she did get hurt - a certain someone could not only avenge her but likely cause the sort of destruction one normally needed explosives for.  
  
"Ah," said Nodoka thoughtfully, understanding the rationale of Mr Kuonji. And certainly, Ukyo and Ranma got along well. Most of the time. She reached out to steady her cup of tea before it could rattle off the counter.  
  
"Hmm," said Genma, his thoughts turning to family treasure again.  
  
"Eeep!" Ukyo said as Ranma came speeding down the path, wild grin in place. There was a clank as the terrified girl dropped her spatula. "...papa..."  
  
"I think I see a solution," said Nodoka as she watched Ukyo fleeing in terror, spatula forgotten as she tried to avoid being hugged or otherwise embarassed.  
  
"AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAA! Umf! MMMMFfffff!" Ukyo's arms and legs, the only parts of her visible, waved frantically from where Ranma was hugging her.  
  
"Needs to work on her speed and evasion tactics," noted Genma.  
  
---------December 24, 1984-------  
  
Genma threw the eight year old into the pit, calmly walked to the control box, and slapped the large red button with only a moment of hesitation. The grinding noise revealed that the car crusher was working as designed. The yowls of cats within the pit increased in volume dramatically.  
  
A blur of motion revealed that the blotch on the Saotome name was moving forward to interrupt the child's training.  
  
"Foolish boy! If you interfere, Ukyo will never learn the Cat Fist!" Genma smiled at seeing Ranma hesitate. "You know how much she wants to be able to hold her own against you!"  
  
"I CHANGED MY MIND! I DON'T WANNA LEARN THE CAT FIST!" Ukyo screeched as claws and jaws bit at her, as the pit walls came closer, as the gag finally came out of her mouth, and as she envisaged a near future where she was considerably flatter and mixed with liberal amounts of cat protein. The beating her pride took trying to spar with Ranma seemed not so bad anymore. "HELP! RANMA!"  
  
Ranma again blurred into motion, ducking within the hydraulic press.  
  
Genma frowned, but touched the button that lowered the lid into place. The manual (Advanced Martial Arts Training For Idiots, 500yen, Hera Publishing) was quite clear on things like this. Only by doing his best to kill his son would cause Ranma to reach his full potential. Ah, the sacrifices a martial arts father had to make. And if Ranma failed to master the training, then it was obvious that it was because Ranma was not really Genma's son! Any child of *his* loins would be able to master this Iron Skin technique.  
  
The grinding became a whine as the walls slowed and gradually stopped. The panicked meowing within the pit continued, which made it impossible to hear anything else.  
  
Except that something WAS happening. The lid exploded off the car crusher, coming down in scattered slices a moment later.  
  
"Meeeoooowwww!" Ukyo announced to the heavens before hissing at the box holding her litter-mate. A few deft movements of her hands left the shredded remains of one of the walls falling down.  
  
Genma was quick to point out to Nodoka how Ukyo was now faster and had some impressive chi abilities from the Cat Fist. That she apparently turned into a near-berserk animal whenever her brother was threatened, well, Genma felt that was a small price to pay for such an awesome technique.  
  
Nodoka nodded sagely and continued knitting the sweater while she waited for the nurses to continue Genma's IV medication. All those sutures made her husband look more manly. Well, sort of.  
  
---------November 12, 1986-------  
  
"Well, Ranma? Ukyo?"  
  
The eleven year old boy spoke first, grinning and spreading his hands wide. "Well, other than Ukyo, she was my first student. So I was wondering..."  
  
Ukyo cleared her throat. "Besides Ranma, she's the only one I've found who can calm me out of the Cat Fist technique. I guess because we get along so well."  
  
Nodoka looked at the nervous little girl. Eight or so, if she recalled correctly. Her parents were often gone on business trips. "What happened to your parents?"  
  
"They... died in a plane crash last week... I... don't know what I'm gonna do... I mean..."  
  
Nodoka smiled at the girl's effort to be brave. Kokoro no samurai. The heart of a samurai. Immediate physical threats were easy, an uncertain future somewhat more difficult. "Well, I suppose she can stay here for a little while."  
  
"All right!" Ranma high fived Makoto and Ukyo, though the ten year old and the eight year old were sufficiently shorter than him that he had to do his "high fiving" at chest level. That was OK, though, as he was taller than kids his own age too.  
  
"Mind you, this is just temporary!" Nodoka cautioned. She was sure that such a darling child had other relatives she could stay with.  
  
-------April 1, 1989--------  
  
Genma grumbled. He griped. He complained. He even whined.  
  
Nodoka was phased by the histrionics not in the least. She had two children of her own. Ranma (not Genma's child, and the current guess was a transformed dragon) and Kyoko. She had adopted others, to Genma's continual frustration. Ukyo Saotome, Makoto Saotome, and now Hotaru Saotome.  
  
Genma tried to reason against it. He had enough trouble training those currently there. Without help from Nodoka's family, they couldn't possibly afford another child.  
  
Nodoka didn't bother pointing out that the children were training each other. She didn't bother to point out that she had received a sizable sum shortly after Makoto's adoption, or another fair amount of gold coinage with the name of an orphan named Hotaru Tomoe.   
  
None of which mattered. Nodoka had discovered after adopting Ukyo that she took a great deal of delight in having children around. Having children (particularly girls) around had slowly diluted her view of what constituted manly behavior. (That Ranma *was* manly was not in doubt, any boy who had as many girls pursuing him as Ranma did, *had* to be manly.)  
  
So Nodoka smiled a little smile, but neither backed down an inch or raised her voice. Hotaru's adoption was well underway, and she was being brought into a loving household where she was quite welcome. And if Genma didn't see things Nodoka's way, she had ways of persuading him to cease his protests at least.  
  
Hotaru had been orphaned recently, her father having died in some laboratory experiment gone horribly wrong. Still, Professor Tomoe's daughter had been rescued when Ranma had seen the exploding building, and there was something of that old Chinese philosophy. Now that he had saved her life, Ranma felt somewhat responsible for the girl with the weak constitution.  
  
------January 12, 1990--------------  
  
"I see, so you are friends of Makoto?" Nodoka bowed and waved the guests in. "She is currently sparring with her sisters in the back."  
  
"Ah," said one of the girls, a blonde with a red bow in her hair.  
  
"Oh, and Ranma's there as well," Nodoka added as if just thinking of it. The sudden wind from the girl's passage whipped Nodoka's kimono slightly. Two of the other girls gave quick bows before rushing after, while the last one bowed a little deeper and stuttered an apology for the others' behavior before rushing off herself. Nodoka raised an eyebrow and smiled, amused.  
  
Nodoka crossed to the door and noted that the young ladies in question were, in fact, largely fixated upon her son's performance. Feeling pride anew at her son's obvious manliness, Nodoka spent a moment watching the children play.  
  
Makoto was using her newest developed skill (Genma's odd training methods proving effective if fairly lunatic), which was a ki enhancement of strength and sparring with Kyoko using the same technique. Hotaru was learning a bo staff kata from Ranma. Genma was passed out nearly in the center of the yard, resting in a small crater.  
  
"So, how did you meet Makoto? Those school uniforms are from all over." Nodoka said after the third group sigh. All the same age, Nodoka thought, likely from the uniforms and particular accessories that they were all the same age as Makoto: twelve years old.  
  
"Well, it's because of Ranma..." The girl abruptly realized something. "OH! I'm sorry. I'm Minako Aino. I met Makoto because of that martial arts tournament last month! I'd heard that there was a guy participating who was... special."  
  
"Good euphenism," whispered the short haired girl, who switched to a more normal speaking volume. "I got to know Makoto also through Ranma. He gets consistently high scores in a number of subjects, and so I considered him a rival briefly. My name is Ami Mizuno. I believe you know my mother, a pediatrician."  
  
"Ah, Mizuno-sensei," Nodoka nodded. Yes, she was familiar with Doctor Mizuno, who sometimes covered for her own family physician.  
  
"Rei Hino, mother!"   
  
(Elbow Jab) (Glare) Minako subtly indicated her displeasure to Rei.  
  
"Ouch! I had several fire readings that involved Ranma."  
  
Usagi looked up from her manga. "I thought you said we were all there to check out this guy who was supposed to be this major hunk." She shrugged, ignoring the glares. "At least that's why *I* went."  
  
"Ah," said Nodoka with a nod. Yes, the Ranma Fan Club as her daughters frequently teased their brother about. (Though actually, ever since that Tsubasa person had started showing an interest in Ukyo, she hadn't teased Ranma nearly as much on the subject.)  
  
--------February 12, 1992---------  
  
Four parents looked around the town and wondered how they could turn this stop to their advantage. Three because they wanted to get *their* daughter something that the daughter in question desperately wanted.  
  
One (1) Ranma Saotome. A seventeen year old, 6'6", 255 pound, very muscular, young man who attended juku regularly. The very same young man who was taking his younger two sisters into a small weaponsmithy to get them some souveniers.  
  
Nodoka Saotome was there mainly to keep an eye on her baka husband. Said husband may have been a baka, but *everyone* (including Genma) knew that Ranma wasn't his son. The tall, buff, exceedingly handsome, young man resembled Genma about as much as a purebred and immaculately groomed Arabian stallion resembled a... panda. However, Kyoko *was* his daughter and didn't resemble him either. For which she was inordinately grateful.  
  
Doctor Mizuno watched the way Ami's eyes never left the form of her study partner and wondered anew at how Ami kept her grades up. Yes, even though Ami was two years younger than Ranma, the two made an interesting couple. There weren't many who could hold Ami's interest, but this was one.  
  
Mrs Aino got a glimpse of the starry-eyed look in her own daughter's eyes and concealed a smile. She remembered when *she* had been young. All right, admittedly Ranma's sister Makoto was one of Minako's friends, and they'd met that way. Admittedly, Minako was fourteen. It was a bit odd that one of Minako's other friends was also in attendence, but as soon as Mrs Aino got a chance to explain the situation with Mrs Saotome, she felt that the engagement could be formalized.  
  
Hino-san wasn't a parent, not exactly, but he *was* the legal guardian of Rei. And Rei Hino would tell people that she'd done a fire-reading that had revealed her in a wedding dress standing next to Ranma Saotome. This got her quite a bit of animosity from some people. Not from Nodoka, who merely admired the girl's pluck.  
  
Usagi-chan wasn't interested in Ranma, she just wanted to hang around her buddies and get a break from school. It was an unhappy break for her that a private tutor, named Setsuna Meiou, was along on this trip.  
  
Michiru was there specifically because she knew Haruka would eventually show up to "avenge herself" against Ranma. While she found Haruka attractive, her current obsession with "getting even with that boy" wasn't appealing at all.  
  
Nodoka was rather proud of her son. Tall, strong, muscular, an accomplished scholar and warrior. Manly, if a bit shy but that was inconsequential. Just the women who had staked an interest in her son was proof to Nodoka that her son was *quite* manly. Ami was one of the nation's top scholars. Minako, a perky (if a bit odd) girl filled with vitality. Rei was quite talented, and a Shinto shrine priestess could have other benefits. Michiru was a bit odd, but a talented musician. These were the among the "finalists" in Nodoka's view, though all were three years younger than Ranma!  
  
Nodoka further mused that any number of others *could* be a close third. Excitable Yui, cool and calculating Yuki, delicate Misa, fiery Rei, mischievous Kotono, clumsy Usagi, enthusiastic Yoko, the tall tomboy Harumi, the somewhat perverted Ayame, even bubbly Megumi. Later in the pack were those girls who seemed to just want Ranma for something *other* than a romantic relationship. Girls like Kaori and Noriko who hoped for profits in Ranma's wake, who saw a financial use for Ranma. Girls like Etsuko and Michiyo who saw in Ranma a trophy of sorts. Girls like Miho and Yumi who just wanted Ranma for the effects he might have on their careers. An age range from fourteen to (if she read Setsuna's body language right) the mid-20s were interested in her son. Certainly, this was more than ample evidence of her son's manliness. Even that Haruka girl who kept showing up to challenge Ranma to fight.  
  
Never mind all the girls who treated him much as a popular idol singer. Those could be safely lumped together as "also ran." Most of whom wouldn't have any idea what to do with him if they had caught him. Nodoka thought it a pity that more of the "Ranma Fan Club" (as she mentally labelled them) hadn't come along. Not only would this help Ranma eventually overcome his shyness, but it was interesting to see the way Genma twitched at some of the antics.  
  
The Amazon Tournament was just finishing up when disaster struck in two seperate locations.  
  
Ukyo began apologizing immediately, noting the spreading stain over the other girl's trousers and the now-empty mug.   
  
The girl growled and pulled a spear out of nowhere, stabbing forward with the butt towards the Outsider woman who had dared bump into her.  
  
Ukyo blocked with her spatula. "Well, if you're not going to accept an apology, I'm *sure* not gonna let you hit me with *that.*"  
  
"She apologized, let her alone!" Makoto stood to Ukyo's left in a show of solidarity with her adopted sister.  
  
"No use laughing over milled silk!" Minako stood to Ukyo's right.  
  
"That's 'no use crying over spilled milk' Minako-chan," Ami commented, weighing the odds. Makoto and Ukyo were very talented martial artists, Minako was roughly average, and she'd never fancied herself a front line fighter. Nodoka was a good martial artist, Mister Saotome was supposed to be quite good. Against an entire village of women now sporting martial arts weapons, Ami wasn't sure.  
  
Ranma came running up, setting aside all the little toys that Kyoko and Hotaru had insisted on.  
  
Several formal challenges were thrown. Some were aimed at the girl with the spatula, some at those women flanking the girl with the spatula, and the vast majority of those remaining were aimed at the Outsider male with the full intent of *losing* the resultant fight.  
  
Ranma stood in front, flanked on one side by his sisters Makoto and Ukyo. Genma and Nodoka to the other side. Rei insisted on her place in line, and Minako quickly decided not to be left out of this.  
  
Ami and Setsuna had their hands full keeping Hotaru and Kyoko from getting in the fight. Neither Usagi or Michiru particularly wanted to get involved.  
  
A young girl on the suspended log finished off her opponent, leapt off the log, and proclaimed something in her language to all concerned.  
  
Setsuna frowned. Her command of Mandarin wasn't that great, but it sounded like she was saying that as she was the Champion she had first dibs.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Sweating, scratched up, tired, and in a bad mood, Haruka Ten'ou snuck into the village. Her quarry was near, and soon she would strike from ambush. It would be a fair fight and she would at last prove that SHE was a better fighter than some boy with a freakish strength. SHE didn't need any tricks to beat the fellow, and the previous instances where he had defeated her would be revealed as cheating!  
  
For the humiliation of being defeated in school tournaments, for pain and suffering, for revealing her true gender before a bunch of males, Ranma Saotome would be PUNISHED!  
  
"-What kind of idiot Outsider Male sneaks across an Amazon bathhouse?-"  
  
Haruka looked up to see a number of girls bathing, looking curiously in her direction. One had an odd gleam in her eye as she sloshed towards the girl-in-guy's clothing. "Uh oh, hey, I didn't realize this was a ..."  
  
Cabinet threw a punch at the boy, who grabbed the arm and pulled as he ducked to the side. Cabinet felt the slick stones underfoot as she lost her balance and fell.  
  
Haruka backed up away from the fallen naked girl, glad that Michiru couldn't see this. "Heh. Now I can go deal with that Saotome!"  
  
Cabinet got up slowly as the boy left the room.  
  
"-Cabinet, that Outsider male just defeated you!/i" Due to Haruka's current mode of dress and hairstyle, nobody had figured out that the girl was actually a boy. "iAnd he was kinda cute. You gonna do it?-"  
  
Cabinet smirked. "-Shouldn't take me long to give him the Kiss Of Marriage, but don't wait up.-" There were a few giggles at that comment.  
  
When Cabinet stepped outside the bathhouse, however, she wondered if someone was playing with the catapult again. There seemed to be Amazons being launched from somewhere near the Tournament area.  
  
------------------  
  
"-How dare you defeat my Shampoo!-" Mousse attacked by hurling four throwing axes towards the short-haired girl. Two directly, the other two apparently wild shots. The target squeaked and flinched satisfactorily.  
  
As Mousse had planned, the male stranger came racing to her rescue. The two "wild" throwing axes chopped through supporting ropes. The challenge log came down.   
  
The short haired girl shot out of harm's way as the Outsider male grabbed and tossed her. There was a resounding thump as the log came down.  
  
Mousse grinned. Yes, he had proven he was the best male fighter in the village. All the talk about him being a half-blind fool was now proven wrong.   
  
Mousse could hear the Outsiders calling to their fallen member. There was likewise some shock and dismay from most of the Amazons, but that was too bad. Sure the Outsider had proven strong, and from some of the comments, Mousse guessed that the women found him comely. Whatever was left under the log would not prove to be very attractive.  
  
Why was everyone gasping? The challenge log was moving?  
  
-------------  
  
Haruka ran. Not that she was afraid of this Amazon pursuing her. Certainly not! It would merely interfere with her quest for vengeance.   
  
OK, maybe she was a little afraid of what Michiru would say if the Amazon *did* manage to kiss her. She had *not* been pleased when she had found Haruka in that water closet with that cheerleader. Uhm, or that time with that martial artist from Nerima. (She'd heard that the girl hated boys, and that rumor had been enough to tickle her fancy. Naturally Haruka had wanted to return the favor.) Hmmm. Michiru also hadn't been too happy about the time she'd walked in and Haruka had been...  
  
Haruka *really* didn't want to be caught with anyone else until she'd had the chance to make up with her soulmate. They were destined to be together, everyone else was just play. Couldn't she see that?  
  
---------------  
  
Cologne (among a fair number of other Amazons) was still coming up with nasty things to do to Mousse when several tons of wood started lifting into the air.   
  
The Outsider male, fingers digging *into* the wood, was snarling and shifting the entire weight of the log up over his head. He was also quite obviously looking for something. It looked as if he barely noticed the weight.  
  
Cologne was gratified to see the sense of most of the Amazons, who had abandoned their plans of punishing/scaring the Outsiders. Instead, the crowd seemed to melt like slag away from Mousse. Mousse, predictably, stood and stared as the Outsider lifted the log up, then threw it.  
  
Several Amazons fainted as they realized that the log had just been tossed outside the village, a distance of several hundred feet. Amazons of this culture often found men who acted swiftly and decisively to be attractive. Amazons of this culture found men who possessed self-restraint to be attractive. This Outsider had just shown both qualities. Women of Nichieju also found strong men to be *very* attractive.   
  
Cologne noted that the ones who had not fainted were watching this male and had the silliest grins on their faces. Decisive, disciplined, strong, and apparently intelligent males were something of a hot commodity. Those Amazons of the type that liked handsome, strong, males were in the process of discussing whether the Outsider male was available.  
  
Of course, the Amazons who found docile, weak, easily dominated males to be attractive still wanted to punish the Outsider women. They had just found reason to practice caution if not abandon those plans entirely.  
  
Mousse launched a barrage of chain weapons. The Outsider moved quickly, far faster than one would expect from such a muscular youth, grabbing the chains and pulling Mousse closer. A loud meaty thwack announced the point where the Outsider man's fist met Mousse's head.  
  
Cologne nodded at the expected vision of Mousse hitting the ground. She nodded again thoughtfully as Mousse slid a good 25 feet from the point of impact.  
  
Cologne then froze as she realized enough Amazons had caught her motion, and that said gesture had been freely interpreted as permission to play a quick game of "first come first served."  
  
Only that the Outsider obviously didn't understand kept him from being dogpiled immediately. It took almost a full minute. When the dust began to clear, it was apparent that it was Shampoo who was busy giving the Kiss Of Marriage.  
  
Much to the consternation (from Ranma's side) and disappointment (various Amazons) of those watching.  
  
Michiru smiled at the sight, turned to the side and saw something that caused the smile to vanish entirely. There was Haruka over there, dressed as a guy as usual, and *KISSING ONE OF THE AMAZONS*! (1) But she'd said that it was all misunderstandings and coincidences, hadn't she?  
  
---Feb 13, 1992---------  
  
"I won't take it easy on you, Ranma," growled Genma, who still was trying to find a decent way to bring up the Tendo-Saotome alliance but wasn't too sure it was even appropriate. The deal had been, after all, between "his child" and "Soun's child" and to join the family therein. Obviously Nodoka's suspicions of some shapeshifting supernatural creature wearing Genma's face (revealed about the time Ranma had started benchpressing cars) had proven to be correct. He'd tried a few times to remove this embarassment, but it remained. Now he'd pretty much settled down to accepting it.   
  
"Like you ever do," responded Ranma. "The bit with the car crusher to 'toughen my body' or weighing me down in chains and tossing me in the ocean to 'improve my stamina.' Oh, how could I forget you 'chumming' the water to draw sharks..."  
  
"You whine like a little girl!" Genma said. He was hoping that these 'Cursed Springs' would at least prove interesting. No one had any idea how difficult it was to provide the necessary element of danger to training with his son and Ukyo's Cat Fist. Anything further was cut off by Minako using her rapidly improving "tag Genma Saotome in the head with a thrown blunt object" skills. It wasn't enough to knock Genma off his pole and into the Spring Of Drowned Child, but it was close.  
  
"Yeah, so what's wrong with being a girl?" Makoto lighted on one of the poles.  
  
"Ah, he's never had a clue 'bout nothing." Ukyo insisted from her own pole. "Is this like the time you tried to train all three of us in Advanced Breakfall by blowing up that ledge and sending us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon?"  
  
"Or that Speed Training where you threw Mako-chan into that river in South America," reminded Ranma. "The one with the pirahna? Or that time you brought an avalanche down on Ukyo to get her over her problems with cold weather?"  
  
There were several feminine blushes as certain individuals remembered being trapped inside a hastily made cave with hundreds of tons of snow outside and a warm Ranma inside. They'd had to cuddle together for shared warmth.  
  
Genma merely noted that this training was obviously not strenuous enough as the students failed to respect him properly. "Were you not prepared to sacrifice your lives for the Art?"  
  
"NO!" Ranma, Makoto, and Ukyo said at the same time.  
  
"AHHH! Sirs what you do here?!" The Guide had finally found his camera and put the hot water on. "You no want to train here. Is very cursed place."  
  
"It is? Shampoo must have slept through that Lore class..." Shampoo leapt to a pole, fully prepared to save her airen from stupid not-the-pappa.  
  
"Cursed?!" Three mothers said as one.  
  
"Dearest said that he'd given up trying to kill Ranma..." Nodoka finished, eyebrow twitching.  
  
Makoto dodged Genma's flying kick by leaping to another pole, just regaining her balance enough to avoid falling into Spring Of Drowned Black Piglet.  
  
Ranma took the opportunity to get under Genma's flight plan and use a volleyball manuever to send the man rocketing straight up over Spring Of Drowned Pervert.  
  
"Cursed Springs?" Nodoka asked politely of the Guide, the other two mothers giving most of their attention to the Guide as well. This surprised the Guide quite a bit, as *no one* ever listened to him until AFTER getting their curses.  
  
Ukyo leapt over Spring Of Drowned Doll to draw her BAS (big ass spatula, called BAS because Nodoka didn't approve of her daughters using such language) and prepare for Genma's landing.  
  
"Oh no," said Ami rushing forward.  
  
"We've got to stop them!" Minako cried as she started towards them at the same time.  
  
Ukyo's spatula sliced air as Genma managed to twist-kick and produce a change in his angle of descent and velocity. Genma landed on the pole over Spring of Drowned Chinese Bandit and blocked Makoto's thrown warfan attack before it could knock him into Spring Of Drowned Amazon Warrior.  
  
Ukyo fired off two throwing spatulas, causing Genma to leap over Spring Of Drowned Mad Scientist and precariously land on the pole next to it. (Spring of Drowned Virtuous Man.)  
  
Genma looked around warily. Ranma hadn't attacked again, which meant... *Poom!*  
  
Genma landed very close to the Spring Of Drowned Rat, then leapt back to a pole. "Maybe you're right," he admitted. "This does appear to be a lame training spot."  
  
"Yeah, come on, if we're gonna train, let's try those poles they set up over that hot springs a way back. That way at least Mom and them can get a hot soak while we get our practice in," Ranma leapt off.   
  
"Yeah!" Several people voiced their immediate approval of that idea. Genma grumbled. The book said that he had to put Ranma's life in peril, that only through surviving almost certain brushes with death could one's true potential be unlocked. It just wasn't that easy anymore.  
  
================  
  
(1)This sort of thing usually happens to Ranma, doesn't it? Why *not* hit someone else with that sort of luck?  
  
Weird concepts i wanted to explore: Everyone goes to Jusenkyo. Nobody gets cursed.  
  
Well, this is the rewrite. Back to things getting ever weirder when chapter 2 is finished.  
  
=============== 


	2. Chapter 2: "even the reverse side has it...

Kami No Ko Wa Kami, revision 2  
  
chapter 2: "Even the reverse side has its reverse side."  
  
All applicable disclaimers are in force.  
  
"Anger, if unrestrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than that injury which provokes it." - Seneca  
  
This mess by metroanime@mindspring.com  
  
NOTE: this is different from the "pokegirls" version, due to difficulties mentioned at the end of chapter 4 of that previous writing. If there is sufficient demand, i'll give it a go but with a somewhat more anime version of Ranma.  
  
------------  
  
Genma had intended for this to be private. The Heir to the Saotome School, his son. Well, sort of his son. Instead, Ranma was this massively powerful individual whose fist could crush an engine block (on an 8 cylinder Chevy, not just a 4 cylinder Honda) and frankly wasn't pursuing the Art as avidly as Genma would like. Though finding ways for Ranma *to* practice the Art was admittedly getting difficult. Particularly after his sudden growth spurt, which had started after they'd left that Amazon village.  
  
How to do strength training when you already had more horsepower than most farm equipment? How to toughen your body when a thrust sword folded on encountering tightened muscle? How to find a training dummy that wouldn't fall apart after the first punch? Ranma's main thrust of practice nowadays was in *regulating* his abilities to a level where he could fight normal people and not hurt them too badly.   
  
When he'd first suggested going to visit the house of an old friend, Genma had mentioned wanting the Heir along: it involved ancient (20 years) ties of honor and duty. Everyone had assumed, as Genma had intended, that this was a dojo challenge. Ranma had shrugged and wished Ukyo luck.  
  
Genma had figured this would happen and had arranged for Ukyo to be dealing with *another* challenger that same day. A Dojo Destroyer who had wrecked a dozen other dojos and taken their signs. He also did barmitzvahs and weddings, Genma had been told. Hired muscle with some odd skills. Ukyo would be present to defend the dojo, and frankly Genma thought it likely that the fight wouldn't last five minutes. Two if she used her spatula.   
  
Ukyo was *good* at fighting. She had survived training designed to give Ranma a hard time. She was one of four people that Ranma could spar with and not receive an unintended trip to Okinawa. (The others being himself, Makoto, and that Haruka person.)  
  
Hotaru stuck at home, Makoto as well. Neither were necessary and both made the appropriate faces when Genma described Soun as a chain smoker. Genma had even scrounged up a couple of tickets for Tokyo Disneyland to further distance them from the scene.  
  
Nodoka had, as planned, stayed home with Kyoko to watch Ukyo's battle.  
  
Unfortunately, the horde of fiancees had also come. Or at least some of them.  
  
Rei kept mumbling about great dangers she'd seen in the fire. Ami had her nose in a book, but had indicated that she had a study-date with Ranma that had been planned *months* in advance. Then there was Minako, bright and cheerful, and armed with her camera to "catch her Ranchan's moment of glory." Finally bringing up the procession of those Genma had failed to move elsewhere, there was the final member of the group. Shampoo.  
  
"When Ranma kick this dojo boy's butt, we go get ice cream, yes?"  
  
Genma wondered why his plans to divert all the fiancees hadn't gone easier. At least Usagi hadn't shown up.  
  
"Ice cream?!"  
  
Genma grumbled and lowered his head. "Why me?"  
  
"Because you're a moron," mumbled Rei.  
  
---------------  
  
Genma got the others to wait behind him, reminding them all that this was an old honor affair, and through it all he was *still* the tough old warrior who was the Master of the Saotome Ryuu. (Despite Ranma being stronger, Ukyo being faster, Hotaru having enough raw chi to put the house into orbit, and Nodoka holding the reins of power - Genma still had the title.)  
  
He had some difficulty with the situation, even so. Years spent with his wife and family, years being a responsible citizen, they had tamed him - if only a little bit.  
  
Genma knocked on the door, and a gentle-looking girl opened the door.  
  
"Yes?" The girl said, looking over the burly man in the off-white gi,the small crowd, and the guy radiating raw power over there with the crowd. "Oh my!"  
  
Genma bowed, slightly, aware that some degree of formality was required - and that if he hinted why they were here at the moment that he'd find himself quite alone. "Please tell Soun Tendo that his old friend Genma Saotome is here."  
  
"Yes..." Kasumi said, still looking up at the huge fellow, before breaking off to go back and summon her father.  
  
"Aren't we here to challenge the dojo?" Ami asked, indicating a sign that requested that challengers use the rear door.  
  
Genma hedged. "Well. Sort of."  
  
Another girl had apparently been listening because she stepped out from the house. "Hmmmph! I am the Heir to the Tendo School Of Anything Goes. And I accept your challenge!"  
  
"Genma?!" Soun began running forward only to catch a signal from his old friend, warning caution.  
  
"I'm Akane Tendo, like I said - I'm the Heir and local champion." The girl who'd accepted the challenge looked over each of the group. "Which of you is my match to be with?"  
  
"Him," indicated Soun, pointing at Ranma. ~Obviously Saotome's got some plan going. Better go along with it.~  
  
Genma winced and tried to signal Soun that this was a *bad* idea.  
  
Ranma shrugged. "Maybe we ought to wait for Hotaru. I prefer to fight only really seasoned, highly skilled, opponents." ~As opposed to someone I could accidently flatten with my pinky.~  
  
Akane's eyes narrowed. "You'll do. Don't underestimate me." ~Too bulky to move fast, very muscular. Obviously relies on durability and strength.~  
  
Ranma shook his head. Well, at least this wouldn't take long. He'd promised that date to Ami quite some time ago.  
  
----------  
  
In a prior age, she had been known as Beryl. Since meeting that nice priestess of some ancient kami named Hera, she'd changed her name from Seiko to Beryl again. She still worked as a manicurist, but now sidelined in sorcery.  
  
She remembered these girls. Ancient warriors of a Moon Kingdom who had dared oppose her! Well, she'd prepared things. A divination had revealed that sooner or later, her targets would come to this pitiful little dojo several districts away from where her shop was located.  
  
Then she'd crafted the four devices, planted them months ago, and waited. As soon as the little bell on her mantle chimed, she knew that the prey was in the trap.  
  
She'd briefly entertained the thought of reducing the Princesses to illiterate bimbos, pets, or inanimate objects. However, she had to use a borrowed source of power - and that meant a large enchanted malachite.  
  
She didn't have nearly the power available to her back in the Silver Millenium, no promises of power from Metal'la. Only bits and pieces of lore, scraps of magic and power that had survived 10,000 years. Only by knowing exactly where the fallen Kingdoms were, and where the treasuries had been kept, had Beryl recovered as much as she had.  
  
Of course, as everyone had been reborn as normal men and women of that kingdom, without any means to transform themselves into Senshi or Prince, these tokens of power still placed her far above the resources of her targets.  
  
Excusing herself from the customer, Beryl ran to the back of her shop and began the spell that would remove these annoyances from her life once and for all. (1)  
  
---------  
  
Haruka Ten'ou had been shadowing Michiru Kaioh for some time. She had seen the violinist go to the Saotome household while Haruka was trying to figure out where to ambush that scoundrel Saotome, then had tailed her former girlfriend.  
  
This would be even better. Haruka would unleash those new special manuevers that would humiliate that muscular freak while Michiru watched! Then Haruka would make that scoundrel Saotome admit that Haruka Ten'ou was the better man!  
  
Haruka stumbled. Then frowned and corrected herself. Better martial artist!   
  
It was all Saotome's fault! Saotome defeating her with that freakish strength. Then all the times Michiru would find Haruka with another girl, and that Amazon that was still chasing after her, and that idiot "Heir to Martial Arts Lumberjacking" that kept trying to catch her! NONE of this would happen if it weren't for...  
  
"RANMA SAOTOME! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"  
  
Michiru briefly looked up, not seeing Haruka who had plastered herself against a concealing wall with both hands over her mouth. Then the elegant violinist shrugged and continued on her way, a slight smile showing despite her apparent indifference.  
  
Haruka finally peeked around the corner to see Michiru heading up the walk of a house.  
  
"Now, Ranma Saotome, you will die," Haruka promised. Just as long as it didn't rain.  
  
----------  
  
Ranma stood at one end of the dojo. Now standing over seven feet in height, with thick cords of muscle that rippled at every movement, with a thick mane of blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, he knew most people tended to view him as they would an earthquake or other unstoppable force of nature. Preferably at a distance, that is. A number of people would look at him and note the resemblence to the version of Thor appearing in Marvel Comics.  
  
Akane dropped into a ready stance and felt a niggling uncertainty. The boy hadn't moved as she had expected. She had expected ponderous and clumsy. Not as quietly or as gracefully as he had. The floorboards of the dojo had creaked underneath his weight, but that wasn't so unusual. That he looked so *solid* once he'd come to rest was. No, this wasn't Tatewaki Kuno or any of the usual boys she fought. Still, he couldn't possibly be swift or as skilled as *she* was.  
  
"Soun, can I see you for a moment?" Genma gestured outside the crowded dojo.  
  
Soun nodded, making his way through the unexpected crowd of spectators.  
  
Things settled down as the two fathers reached the engawa of the house and began talking. The conversations of the various girls present began fading as the two combatants signalled that they were ready.  
  
"Begin," said Rei, making a slashing motion with one hand.  
  
Akane leapt, pivoted, and punched as hard as she could into the boy's clenched gut. He didn't dodge or move, just sighed.  
  
Akane held the pose for a moment, her arm extended. Then pain signals began reaching her. "Yoowwwwch! Owie! Owie!! Owie!!!" She'd hit bricks that weren't that hard. Obviously he had some body armor underneath his clothing.  
  
"You see why I didn't want to fight you, Tendo-san? You're just too weak and fragile to face me. My baby sister Hotaru could beat you." He didn't mean anything by it, he was just tired of being around porcelain dolls that thought they could fight him. (2)  
  
Eyes tearing and waving her hand about, Akane nonetheless glared at the boy. "Fragile? I'll show you. Hiyaaahhh!"  
  
Ranma blocked, looking very sad. Why didn't anyone listen to him? Then flipped the tiny girl towards his chest and gave her a hug. "Concede the match and I'll let you go."  
  
"Eeeeyaahhhhh!" Akane was mainly frustrated and showed it by a scream. She couldn't budge from this position, and the pressure was being slowly increased on her. This turned out to be a bad mistake because once she'd evacuated her lungs of air, she was having trouble getting it back. Akane tried to bite, she tried flailing with her legs, she tried squirming. Nothing seemed to help and the pressure continued to mount.  
  
Nabiki's eyes were wide. She'd *never* seen Akane turn that shade before. Even when she'd accidently swallowed that frog in fourth grade. Though that *had* been interesting.  
  
Finally Akane began to twitch, and Ranma turned her loose. The girl dropped to the floor and began drawing deep breaths.  
  
"Please stop fighting, Miss Tendo, don't make me fight you any more," Ranma asked Akane as nicely as he knew how. "I don't like hurting the weak."  
  
"Do (gasp) you (wheeze) concede then?" Akane got herself to all fours.  
  
"No. Can't. Sorry." Ranma shook his head. Why people had to be this stubborn was beyond him.  
  
"HAH!" Akane came up and used a manuever that had never failed her before. The old "Kick Him Between The Goalposts" anti-pervert defense. *WHAM!* *KRAK!* (3)  
  
Ranma looked down at where Miss Tendo had kicked, then the sickly pale color the girl's face had turned. "Miss Tendo. I think you broke your foot. You really ought to take it easy."  
  
Akane whimpered but shook it off. "Not yet. I am the Heir to the Tendo School Of Anything Goes. I will not lose to some *freak!*"  
  
"Oh, bother. Please concede, this isn't fun." Ranma was more than a little tired of this. The freak comment stung, however. There was enough of that sort of thing from Haruka.  
  
"Go to hell!"  
  
Ranma shrugged, then moved faster than Akane had expected.  
  
Akane got a quick glimpse of a fist heading towards her face at high speeds and brought her arms in a crossed "X" to block.  
  
*WHAM!* *BANG!* *BOOM!*  
  
Everyone looked at the Akane-shaped hole in the rear wall of the dojo. Rei got up to look out it. "I see a pair of feet sticking out of their compound wall. She's twitching though, so I suspect she's okay."  
  
"Akane is out of the ring, match to the challenger," quickly declared Nabiki before any MORE damage could be done.   
  
"Why," asked Ranma. "Why did she make me do that? I don't like picking on the weak."  
  
"Oh my, is it over already?" Kasumi asked as she brought another young lady into the dojo.  
  
"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!"  
  
Any answers that might have come were washed out by a sudden twisting sensation as the dojo dropped through a hole that hadn't been there a moment ago.  
  
-------  
  
"ANOTHER DIMENSION!" Beryl finished. Then she smiled. With the girls removed entirely from space and time, thrown into some other universe, she could go ahead with her plans for world domination.  
  
She considered laughing evilly in triumph.  
  
Well, after she got back to her customer. She still had a business to run.  
  
--------  
  
The sensation of falling was bad.  
  
Spinning made it worse.  
  
"GRAB ONTO ME!" Ranma yelled over the rips and groans of wood coming apart all around them.  
  
He was latched onto, a solid object while everything else was in freefall.  
  
Then the dojo came apart in a sickening series of crunches and various girls wailed in terror.  
  
In another world, another time, they might have been a magical girl sentai team and capable of handling things like being in a zero-gravity freefall in some Peter Max dayglo superspace, surrounded by strings of pearls that actually looked like planets.   
  
Nabiki, watching the contents of her lunch (spinning and twisting while weightless had not been something she was prepared to deal with) go sailing off into the void was quite aware that she had hesitated a few bare seconds rather than grab on the challenger who had just flattened Akane. This had the decidedly BAD effect of placing her just out of arm's reach of the outermost body in the pile, and drifting away in a slightly different direction than her lunch. She managed to grab a blonde ponytail, and looked pleadingly in the direction of the girl who owned it.  
  
Usagi ignored the pain from her hair and tried to reach the girl falling away from them, but after feeling her legs begin to slip tried to anchor herself more thoroughly to Ranma.  
  
The twisting/turning hit something like an air pocket as one of the globes loomed particularly large in their path. Nabiki shrieked, any ice queen businesswoman image at least momentarily replaced by a very frightened seventeen year old girl who had just lost her only solid handhold. She slid off into the void, her eyes not leaving Usagi's tearful gaze until clouds passed between them.  
  
Others scrambled, their formation coming apart as they plunged into a transparent world that gradually grew more solid around them.  
  
Finally the remains of their formation slammed into a canopy of trees.  
  
-------  
  
"You're not getting away from me that easily, Saotome!" Some blond bishonen type leapt into the odd hole and vanished. That he didn't disintegrate was duly noted.  
  
"What is this, Saotome?" Soun gestured towards the sphere of swirling darkness that occupied the space formerly held by the dojo. "What happened to Nabiki and Kasumi?"  
  
Genma adjusted his glasses and looked it over, feeling the wind pouring from around him into the hole. "It's a... hell if I know, Tendo."  
  
Akane, supported by her father, stared at odd swirl. "I told him to go to Hell, but I didn't mean to take the dojo with him."  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Nabiki! Kasumi! WAAAAAAAHH!"  
  
Genma felt like crying too. What would Nodoka say? *No one* would believe this wasn't something *he* had done. It would be yet another training technique turned sour. Then... oooh. Bad mental image. "We have to go after them, Tendo!" There was no *way* Genma was going to face Nodoka right now. Uh uh.  
  
Some people had poor opinions of Genma's apparent intelligence level. None thought he was dumb enough to try explaining his way out of this before people had had a chance to calm down. The Crouch Of The Wild Tiger had its limits.  
  
"Into THAT, Saotome?!" Tendo thought Genma had the right idea, but somehow this didn't strike him as being safe.  
  
"I'm coming too," said Akane, even though she had sprained her right hand and broken her right foot, had a concussion, bruises from her impacts on/through the walls, and she was about to pass out from accumulated damage, she was a martial artist too! "That boy owes me a rematch!"  
  
Genma breathed on her. Akane passed out. Soun caught her.  
  
Genma turned his attention to the swirling, then noticed the edges seemed to be shrinking. Taking a piece of wood left over from Akane's recent hole-making activities, Genma poked it at the swirl.  
  
Genma was promptly sucked within the tunnel. He instinctively reached out for something solid to grab. Soun shrieked like a little girl when Genma managed to catch his gi.   
  
--------  
  
Genma, Soun, and Akane tumbled through space and time, following the same tunnel that had claimed the earlier group. However, there were some differences. Their speed through time was greater, for one thing.  
  
Soun's grip on Akane was tight enough to bruise. It would have been quite painful if Akane had been conscious for any of this.  
  
Genma's grip on Soun's gi broke when the gi sleeve in question had finally had enough and gave up the ghost.  
  
Partly this was because Soun had kicked Genma away from him. However, as they had almost landed at this point, this had only a minimal effect.  
  
The three crashed into the ground, and then through it, ending up in what Genma (the most padded and currently most experienced martial artist of the three) tentatively identified as a dry sewer.  
  
Then, slowly getting his bearings, Genma looked off to the left and STARED.  
  
Soun recovered a few moments later, and also became paralyzed with staring.   
  
Genma ran forward, throwing himself into a vast pile of reddish gold coins, and immediately started flopping around happily.  
  
Soun slowly crept into the room, his own eyes huge as he looked about the storeroom.  
  
Akane eventually recovered, temporarily forgotten by the two. She was able to find them easily by tracking the squeals of glee. Her eyes passed over the mound of gold coins, disgusted somewhat by sight of the overweight Mister Saotome attempting to stuff the entire contents into his gi. In order to do this properly, he had removed his gi.  
  
Shuddering and deciding that some scenes were too gross to describe, even to herself, Akane decided not to go there. Her father wasn't much better, currently engaged in running around between piles of odd items and what looked like weapons.  
  
Well, a martial artist didn't need weapons. They made one weak. Her father had said so himself. Akane's eye *was* drawn to the scrolls however. Martial arts techniques were often written on scrolls. All she had to do was figure out which one.  
  
Akane pulled out the one in the blackened case, frowning at the greasy sickly feel of it. It was the hardest to reach, it had a badly corroded and easily snapped chain holding it in place, and the pentagram enscribed rubies at either end meant it was the most valuable.  
  
Akane began reading, her eyes opening wider. ~Jackpot!~  
  
-------  
  
Ranma coughed up water, aware that he'd hugged tightly the girl nearest him and soaked up the force of impact. Unfortunately, hitting the water at that speed had practically imbedded him in the lake bottom.  
  
"You OK?"   
  
Ranma relaxed a little on hearing Ami's voice. Ami the good swimmer. How she had managed to pull him to shore was another question entirely, as Ami didn't have nearly the strength to pull him. He was facedown on sand, his legs still being struck by waves, but he wouldn't have thought Ami could manage this by herself.  
  
The weight across his back moved and Ranma realized it was Ami. She'd somehow managed to drag him ashore, and judging from the way she was slumped. Which filled in the rest of the equation. Hysterical strength, allowing Ami to drag him - though it had quite obviously exhausted her in the doing of it.  
  
Carefully, Ranma moved about, shifting to grasp the (comparitively) tiny girl. Ami was 5'2" and a slender asian beauty. Ranma was 7'2", a blonde weightlifter that outmassed her several times. As always with Ami, Ranma felt as if he were dealing with a doll of the most delicate porcelain. Which was one reason that he was so impressed and touched by the girl managing to drag him as much out of the water as she had.  
  
Ami sighed, still breathing a bit hard, and closed her eyes. Ranma had managed to get her respect due to his scores in school (though there were many aspects of social interaction that he seemed cursed with cluelessness on) and that gentle strength of his was (though she'd have enormous difficulties admitting it) a real turn on for Ami. Her current situation, being cradled tenderly in arms that she knew were quite capable of lifting several tons of weight, and knowing that she was absolutely safe and warm and cared for? Ami let out another very contented sigh and let her exhaustion drag her under.  
  
Ranma looked down at that mysterious little smile Ami wore from time to time and wondered what was going through her head.  
  
He'd learned enough that the sort of hysterical strength that Ami had just used would keep her asleep for some time, and then she'd likely be quite sore from the strained muscles - not to mention the possibility of sprained tendons.  
  
Looking around, Ranma continued carrying the tiny bookworm. To him, her weight was negligible. The thin stretch of beach extended out to sparse brush, then thick forest. He hoped that the rest of the girls were in there somewhere, though there was an equal chance they weren't even in the same world - considering what they had just seen.  
  
No, this was not the same world. The trees and plants were different, the glimpse of some two-tailed rat-thing was definitely different, and the birds were not something he recognized.  
  
The glimpse of worlds strung out like pearls on a string was sufficient to remind Ranma of their predicament. He had no idea *why* they had gotten grabbed like this, only that they had been and were now somewhere else. Whether it was a different world, a different universe, or a different time was as yet unknown.  
  
A female shriek and a crashing noise gave him a direction. Ranma began running. Small bushes and trees were brushed aside as he charged.  
  
What he saw on arriving was more than enough indication that he was *not* in Earth's past.  
  
-------  
  
Nabiki grumbled as she stopped and poured sand out of her shoes yet again. The desert sun was baking her fair skin, she was hot and dry and had this damn grit that would coat her everytime the wind started to blow.  
  
The sand was different from the sand she was used to on the beach. This was a fine grained almost ash that tended to cling to her skin and clothes.  
  
No, Nabiki Tendo was *not* a happy camper. She jogged and played tennis, but long walks up and down dunes was nowhere near her idea of fun.  
  
Where was she? *Why* had this happened? From their reactions none of the girls, or even that big fellow, had known what was going on. And then there was that one girl.   
  
The girl with the long ponytails had briefly tried to grab her, to pull her back, even when so doing might have caused her to become lost too. Nabiki would deride that sort of foolishness, but that sincere concern in the girl's eyes, and the effort, had touched her deeply.  
  
Unfortunately, though Nabiki had seen the group dropping towards the same place, they were nowhere to be seen.  
  
The idea of all those worlds had been thrown to the side. She would *not* consider the possibility that this would be more than a momentary inconvenience.  
  
"Grumf!"  
  
Nabiki paused. That had not sounded at all human. It hadn't come from her. Nabiki glanced over to her left.  
  
The mercenary Tendo saw the vaguely camel-like beasts racing towards her, the riders completely concealed by long robes, and was momentarily frozen by the conflicting desires of whether to run towards them or away from them. Then they were upon her.  
  
Seven of them, surrounding her on all sides, looking her over without a word. The only noises were from the beasts they rode.  
  
Nabiki decided to try to intimidate these hicks. It worked back home after all. "WELL? Aren't you going to offer me a ride?"  
  
The figures shifted slightly but continued their silence.  
  
"I am Nabiki Tendo, and I am a Japanese citizen! You'd better get me to an embassy right away."  
  
More silence.  
  
"Parlez vous Franceis? Sprecken ze deutche? Speakee English?"  
  
One of the figures shifted and darkly tanned thick fingers danced a complicated rhythm.   
  
Nabiki crossed her arms and glared around the group. "You'd better get me to an embassy right now if you know what's good for you."  
  
A rider finally reached down to offer her his(?) arm.   
  
Sniffing and looking down her nose at these peasants, Nabiki tried to look cool and aloof.  
  
Until the noose went taut around her ankles, she mainly succeeded.  
  
================  
  
(1) Anyone think this will work? Didn't think so.  
  
(2) This is not a perfect Ranma. Current disadvantages:  
Fragile World - Psych - convinced that everything (unless proven otherwise) is ready to break apart the moment he shrugs his shoulders.  
Hunted/Watched - Hera - she doesn't like Zeus carrying on and usually takes it out on the kids.  
Foot In Mouth Disease - even growing up with sisters (both real and adopted) he tends to say the wrong thing.  
Clueless - one can have a lot of book knowledge and still not have a clue about many real life situations. Even though he's grown up with sisters, the opposite sex still doesn't make a lot of sense to him.  
  
(3) After the last time he got kicked there, his mother started insisting he wear a cup. And his father seized on it as extra training. So he really is wearing body armor, or at least one piece of it.   
  
The Pokegirl setting (the first version of this tale) has some ideas about (getting away from misandry vs misogyny arguments) it that could make for an interesting story. Stories are typically about conflict, and having Ranma be the Voice Of Conscience in a setting like that provides a *lot* of conflict.  
  
__Man Versus Society: that society is all about maintaining the status quo. Almost nonexistent personal crime, no wars, everyone has enough to eat, everyone has their own home, but at the cost of widespread slavery and a heavily stratified society. Even the "free" people have very specialized roles and behavior they're allowed. Sukebe's initial bid for world power started it, and human nature set it up. In the setup provided, Ash is the beginning of a new breed of Tamer - he wants to be his pokegirls' friend as well as Master. A fight with consequences and difficulty than any pokebattle. With Ranma, the outsider who doesn't take any of this for granted, providing an indication that another way *is* possible.  
__Man Versus Man: the new breed of criminals coming out of the pokegirl thieves of the last generation. Crueler, tougher, more violent, less restrained. Team Trauma and Team Hard Rocket are the parasites beginning to feed on the stratified society, which has forgotten how to deal with such things in their era of peace. Ranma is the reluctant fighter, one whose first reaction to a battle isn't to reach for a pokeball, and the only one who can really start the fight against these wolves amongst the sheep.  
__Man Versus Fate: Ranma's struggle with his conscience before and guilt over what he's done afterwards. Yes, it would save them from becoming animals. No, it shouldn't be an easy choice.  
  
That said, there were other reasons to get away from it and redo this concept. And no, not the misogynist label (though it *is* an interesting commentary about our times that misogyny and homophobia are considered crimes but misandry and heterophobia are acceptable...) Mainly because Ranma, son of Zeus, ill fit the story. It's currently being put together in "Wild Horses and Pokegirls" which is an NC-17 (at least) story.  



	3. When In Osaka...

  
Chapter 3: "When in Osaka, do as they do."  
Kami no ko wa kami (revision 3)  
  
DISCLAIMER: When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say "live and let live". You know you did, you know you did, you know you did. (slap) oh yeah. Naoko Takeuchi hath chronicled the tales of the sentai team of Sera Myun, Rumiko Takahashi did Wild Horse 1/2, Zeus and the rest of that pantheon by a bunch of dead Greeks, El Hazzard by Pioneer, weird twisted ideas and take on the whole thing by metroanime@mindspring.com, feedback by many fine readers, and the role of Marvin the Talking Mouse is played by Zinfadel Throckmoddle. Heidi Klum provided by Shugo Faux.  
  
"What's that sign say? 'Abandon All Hope Ye Who Pass Through This Portal'? No way. I'll never abandon Hope, he's one of my favorite comedians." - an unnamed Bamf.  
  
-------------  
  
Minako Aino was brave. Minako Aino was stronger than she looked. Minako Aino had some training in the Anything Goes Style of Martial Arts. Minako was cute and perky and rarely phased by anything she went through for very long.  
  
Minako Aino screamed and tried to back away from the nine foot humanoid critters menacing her.  
  
Minako was not fond of mutants that looked like they could have stepped out of "Fist Of The Northstar". While she was among the first to admit that she liked guys, she sort of drew the line at guys that could be poster boys for "gamma irradiated Human Growth Hormone candidates." She was picky that way.   
  
One of the big creatures began motioning with his spear towards her, then shifted his grip to slam it forward.  
  
Minako started reacting with speed and strength she didn't know she had. (Amazing what could happen when adrenaline was flowing through your veins to the exclusion of blood.)   
  
Grabbing the polearm behind the blade as it stabbed forward, Minako shifted her weight on it, bringing it down. Her long, lithe, legs - what she considered one of her best features, swept up in a modified gymnastics dismount.  
  
Minako's legs slammed into a misshapen head with enough force that the average thug in Japan would have been in slumberland before he hit the ground. She blinked a couple of times at the creature, noting that it had barely noticed.  
  
It grumbled something, shrugging her off and tossing her to the side. The spear came up again.  
  
*THOOM!*   
  
Ranma landed on the ground and saw the big fellow about to spear Minako. While the spear meant these were likely intelligent creatures, they were also trying to kill a friend. Ranma rarely went all out. For one thing, he had a touch of his father's temper. Not Genma's. Controlling that temper had become a lifelong habit.  
  
Still cradling the sleeping Ami, Ranma lashed out with his other arm. Humanoids started flying about, some coming apart as they did so. Even so, it didn't take long, burdened with trying to protect the precious cargo, for Ranma to get surrounded. He got ready to drop Ami, as he could stand over her and protect her, when he noticed she'd wrapped herself around his arm and was holding tight.  
  
~Uh oh.~  
  
Minako Aino, seeing one of her best friends as well as her prospective boyfriend/fiance (her father had talked to Nodoka Saotome, and it sounded like there was agreement to the idea) about to go down, reacted.  
  
----------  
  
Haruka Ten'ou groaned in pain.  
  
A memory flitted back, following her rival/nemesis Ranma into that hole, seeing planets lined up in a row, then popping into one of them. Then a long fall. Very long. Ending where she'd caught a quick glimpse of some sort of airship that looked like it had come from a Miyazaki film.   
  
Haruka tried to move. After a few moments of effort, she gave up. No feeling below the neck. "So my quest for vengeance ends like this... CURSE YOU SAOTOME!"  
  
"Vengeance quest? That's no good. Not good at all, no."  
  
Haruka blinked and looked at the ceiling. She didn't feel strong enough to lift her head. That voice had not been one she recognized. A boy, perhaps younger than herself. "Who's there? What have you done to me?"  
  
"Put you into bed, I have, nymph."   
  
"I KNOW THAT MUCH!" Haruka tried to shout. The effort caused blackness to swim at the edge of her vision. What was a nymph, anyway?  
  
"Here," came the voice gently.   
  
Feeling a cup at her lips, Haruka opened her mouth slightly to allow a thin trickle of liquid within. Then she felt a cloth wipe at the dribble.  
  
"You're lucky you survived, whatever you are then."   
  
"Lucky," growled Haruka. "Lucky to be paralyzed damnit!"  
  
"Lucky on several counts," the voice said. "I can't heal your injuries, but I know people who can. If you had died, I would simply have said a prayer over your corpse and thrown you over the side."  
  
"Heal?" Haruka repeated, feeling some hope begin to blossom. If she was with a doctor maybe this paralysis was temporary?  
  
Haruka could hear something moving around, it sounded like plates or something moving against each other.  
  
The voice continued. "You look like some kind of nymph but you're a little off. Not sure *what* you are, but we'll talk more when you've had a chance to heal some."  
  
"Uhmmm," Haruka managed, wondering again what a nymph was.   
  
"Don't worry. We'll be setting into port soon."  
  
-----------  
  
Akane began chortling and finally had to wipe her eyes from laughing so hard. "Those idiots actually didn't think I was dead, did they? Oh this is too rich. You always have to kill a master villain TWICE!"  
  
It took quite a bit to get Genma and Soun to drop their running about from treasure heap to treasure heap. That evil insane laugh qualified.  
  
If Soun thought there was something strange about hiding from his youngest daughter, he wasn't dithering about the details. From behind the mound of coins that Genma was hidden within, he observed the red glow that limmed her body. Soun noted the way his youngest daughter's hair had briefly swept up as if in a strong wind. "Uhm, Akane, are you feeling all right?"  
  
"Akane? Yes. That is my name, isn't it? Heh. Little girl had no self control, no self discipline, and darn little in the way of resistance to a mental assault. Simply attack her core, in this case pride, and let her anger wash away her own pathetic barriers. Hardly a challenge for a certified genius, wouldn't you say?" Akane turned to smile at the two men. "My name, however, isn't really Akane. It's Kefka."  
  
"Akane?"  
  
"Incompetent idiots, once again I am surrounded with such." Akane let out a deep breath, then did her best "cute and perky" imitation. "Gee gosh gollie! We're going to need to get this gold and stuff to safety, won't we?"  
  
"Uhm, yes, I suppose so." Soun looked very uncertain about this change of behavior.  
  
Akane held the cute pose for a few moments, then gave it up as a lost cause. "Aw screw it. I'm leaving. You two won't even make decent minions."  
  
Watching Akane abruptly fade out of view, Soun blinked repeatedly for a few moments. "Saotome. What just happened?"  
  
Genma responded immediately and honestly. "Haven't a clue, Tendo."  
  
------------  
  
Kasumi Tendo whimpered a little in her sleep. She'd fallen, fallen a long distance with only a blue expanse beneath her.  
  
The only other thing she'd seen was some bird nearby, and her current companion - that guest with the green hair who'd come by to see the Saotome boy.   
  
Kasumi had heard that companion scream something inarticulate and start gesturing for Kasumi to look behind her. Kasumi had managed to twist around just in time to see jaws that she could likely stand in approaching at high speed.  
  
Kasumi unclenched as she realized that she was lying on furs, not inside some big carnivore's stomach. Slowly she opened her eyes.  
  
She was in a cave, lit by sunlight streaming in through several gaps. She was actually lying on scattered furs, of what looked to have been a really big animal. There were pools of water lying about, and her companion with the green hair was still quite obviously out of it.  
  
The eldest Tendo daughter silently got up and began exploring. The cave was natural, for the most part, though it showed signs of having been worked. Some of the openings looked to have been clawed through the stone, while others had stones fitted and mortared into place to make them smaller.  
  
The pools of water were mainly shallow indentations in the floor that had no proper drainage. The exception was a deep trench very close to the "bed". The waters were very cold, very dark, and very deep from what she could see.   
  
Going to the opening, Kasumi noticed a ledge of tall grasses about the size of the dojo's interior, though with sheer cliffs all around. The water below was broken by a number of rocks, and was at least a fifty foot drop. The opening itself was nearly half the width of the cave and was taller than it was wide. The cave itself was larger than the entire Tendo house, though Kasumi thought that maybe it being so empty made it seem larger than it was.  
  
Kasumi then finished inspecting the cave. Something bothered her about this that took a few moments to penetrate. It was too clean. There were no bugs, very little dust, and no dirt to speak of.   
  
"Tendo-san?" The blue-green haired girl stirred herself. "Where?"  
  
Kasumi looked around again briefly. "A cave overlooking a cliff. We were never properly introduced, by the way."  
  
"Oh," said the girl, slowly making her way around the pool. "Uhm. I'm Michiru Kaioh, Tendo-san. How did we get here?"  
  
"I woke up here myself, Kaioh-san." Kasumi sighed. She'd wanted to get out of the house more often. This was not exactly what she had in mind.  
  
Shadows shifted at the entry to the cave, and something large and heavy thumped down nearby.  
  
Kasumi began backing up into the rear of the cave, while Michiru started backing up to the   
  
The head poking into their cave was long and full of teeth, a cross of reptillian and mammallian characteristics - but really fitting neither.   
  
"Oh my," Kasumi said as the huge animal moved into the cave.  
  
Michiru looked around for a weapon, found a rock that would require both hands to lift, and hefted it. It weighed perhaps twenty pounds. Looking over the winged form entering the cave, Michiru kept holding the stone but wondered how the heck she'd manage to use it. She took two steps back as she evaluated the threat potential of their new room-mate.  
  
The creature was clearly over fifty feet in length, with thick armored scales and long teeth and claws. It looked fairly strong as well. It was moving slowly, however, so perhaps she could outrun it. If there were a place to run *to* that is.  
  
The beast sniffed a few times, then the head whipped around faster than she'd have thought to regard Michiru directly.  
  
Involuntarily, Michiru Kaioh took a step backwards. Only to remember suddenly the presence of that pool of water there.  
  
A moment later and she realized that it was indeed VERY cold water and that holding on to a large heavy rock while sinking rapidly into those waters was not a good idea.  
  
Kasumi saw her companion fall backwards and splash. Then that large creature shot its head, jaws open, into that very pool. Kasumi came to the natural conclusion, and carried it over to the next step. Move and you attract its attention.  
  
Kasumi became very very still.  
  
-------  
  
Usagi Tsukino was easy to underestimate.   
  
She had very little self-confidence, her traditional Japanese feminine skills were terrible, her school performance poor to say the least, and her self-confidence tended to bottom out regularly. She was clumsy, a crybaby, and had some bad habits (such as an eating disorder) that tended to disquiet the more traditional Japanese. Neither the sharpest tool in the shed, nor did she have useful contacts or money or power.  
  
In another timeline, another world, she would have been either Sailor Moon or Princess Serenity, and successes against Dark Kingdom villains would have raised her self-confidence a bit. Here she had grown up without a Luna, transformation pen, or ginzuishou.   
  
That said, Usagi was one of the friendliest beings in existence. Cheerful given half a chance, prone to periods of cockeyed optimism. She could make friends almost anywhere.  
  
Remaining calm was *not* one of her traits.  
  
She'd fallen, shrieking, having dislodged from the "clinging madly to Ranma" state about the time that Minako had seperated.  
  
Groaning, Usagi was pleased to find the positive part of this was that she was alive. When one has expected to become a red smear, this is a definite step up. "Owie."  
  
"She's awake."  
  
"It took two Cure Criticals, so she should be awake."  
  
Usagi grimaced. Those voices didn't sound at all right.  
  
"So, is she an elf? Or a nymph? Something tells me she isn't a Delphins..."  
  
"No. Ears are wrong and she's not slender enough for an elf. Might be a nymph-crossbreed though. Most nymphs look identical to each other, you know. It's the crossbreeds that don't look like they were cast from the same mold. At least until they come into their full heritage."  
  
Usagi tried to move. One voice was high pitched, like a young boy, but with a throaty quality. Boy with a sore throat maybe. The other voice was a woman's voice, old and scratchy.  
  
Usagi's eyes slowly opened.   
  
"Well, hello there," said an old woman who leaned heavily on a staff. Brown eyes twinkled with amusement and Usagi immediately found herself warming to this girl. "You gave us quite a start, falling from the sky like that and landing on our cargo. Good thing for you we were carrying sacks of flour. Well, that and that my current bodyguard is a cleric."  
  
Usagi followed the woman's gesture with difficulty, noting that they were on some kind of ship. Her eyes, however, focussed on the figure hovering uncertainly nearby.  
  
Wearing clothing that wouldn't have been out of place on an 1890s aristocrat, including the vest and jacket, a three foot tall humanoid mouse was consulting a pocketwatch.  
  
Usagi fainted.  
  
The woman shook her head. "You know, I think she's human."  
  
"Impossible! You know full well how rare humans are. Though she *does* resemble the vanished princess."  
  
"Well, maybe we'll find out later." The woman shaded her eyes briefly. "I'm going below deck. A lifetime in dwarven warrens doesn't prepare one for air travel."  
  
---------  
  
In a castle made of greenish stone, a man on a throne looked up and seemed to be checking the scent of the air. "Report."  
  
Two figures faded into view. A tall male elf with dark skin and white hair touched fist to chest and bowed his head. "Lord Emperor. A pandimensional intrusion has occurred."  
  
The Emperor leaned back in his throne. "I thought that Sjul had agreed to lay off the summonings."  
  
"It did not originate with Lady Sjul," said the second of the Emperor's ninjas. "Indications are that it was not a 'pull' but a 'push' or so read the initial prognostications."  
  
"I see," said the Emperor Guyin. "Well, determine how best to rescue them. They can be brought to the castle as soon as is deemed safe." Guyin paused. "There is something more?"  
  
"My liege," the woman said with some hesitation. "There are complications."  
  
Guyin briefly massaged his temples. "WONderful. What is it this time? Giant fungoid warriors? Gargantua? Evil Necromancers raising legions of the undead? Another trade dispute between the elves and the dwarves? Dance contest using dragons? Sadie Hawkins Race? Tell me it wasn't another Amazon Birthing Festival."  
  
"Uhm, no, Emperor. Not quite so bad as that."   
  
Emperor Guyin pondered for a moment. "Well then, how bad is it?"  
  
----------  
  
Minako Aino, an ordinary high schoolgirl from Tokyo, collapsed in exhaustion. She wasn't completely sure *what* had happened.  
  
Ranma stared. Ami stared.  
  
The orcs and ogres weren't staring. The ones who were still alive were running as if "schoolgirl from Tokyo" were synonomous with "extraordinarily deadly force from beyond."  
  
In some series, it was.  
  
Ranma was first to recover, picking up the gore spattered Minako and wondered HOW and WHAT briefly.   
  
"That was very strange," Ami said, still clinging to Ranma without registering it. "Mina-chan was...?"  
  
"I don't understand it myself," said the strongest boy in Japan. "She seems OK now. I wonder if it was something like hysterical strength or maybe it was a chi technique."  
  
"Like Ukyo?" Ami thought about it. Ukyo had learned some impressive techniques and could move faster than Ami had ever seen someone move before, mainly as a counter to Ranma's strength and durability in order to keep up with her "big brother" and their sparring sessions. "That would explain why she collapsed then, she used up her reserves."  
  
Ranma straightened, Ami still clinging to his upper arm and shoulder, Minako in his arms. "I thought I saw a stream over there. Let's get this mess cleaned off of her, then try to figure out where we are."  
  
"'Not in Kansas'," quoted Ami, abruptly realizing where she was and sliding off to the ground.  
  
---------  
  
Haruka slowly awoke, aware immediately that she was *hurting*. That was actually a good sign, though. She wiggled her toes and felt relief. Not paralyzed.  
  
On more than one occasion, her fights with that damn Ranma and his freakish strength had caused her to worry about permanent injuries. For example, when she'd tried to clobber him with a wrecking ball, he'd bounced the ton of metal back at her. The crane she'd been in had almost become a coffin.   
  
Or when she'd tried throwing that basket of poisonous snakes on him. THAT had turned out very badly, but then she'd met her angel. Michiru Kaioh had been the one to delicately suck the venom out of her wound. Which was why Haruka Ten'ou had decided that Michiru Kaioh would be the 1000th girl whose lips she would claim, and then Michiru and she would be a couple. All the other girls would just be practice for the relationship between Haruka Ten'ou and Michiru Kaioh.  
  
If it wasn't for Ranma. Ranma the freak. Ranma the destroyer. Ranma the seducer of innocent women. Ranma Saotome, who kept somehow surviving and engineering (in his falsely innocent apparently coincidental manner) circumstances for Michiru to discover Haruka in what really were innocent though apparently compromising situations.   
  
"RANMA SAOTOME, THIS IS ALL *YOUR* FAULT!"  
  
"Ah, so better you are," said that familiar voice.  
  
Haruka groaned as she levered herself up and got a good look at her benefactor.  
  
Haruka was one of the toughest martial artist women in Japan, having a combination of natural talent and years of experience sparring against some of the other best martial artists in that island nation. It would have surprised more than a few to hear her scream.  
  
-----------  
  
A windswept spire of stone had someone posing dramatically on it, laughing an insane and evil laugh.  
  
Three pieces of magicite, crystalized "espers" hidden in stuffspace where someone in the know could retrieve them. As well as a mysterious blue glowing vial and a small handgun.  
  
"I LIVE! I am Kefka! Errr, Hojo. Errr. Akane! Saruman? Oh heck. How could this have happened?" The girl sat down and dangled her legs over the precipice. She also said something very coarse when one of her sandals, which had somehow managed to accompany her thus far, arced down towards a meeting with the rocks below.  
  
Drumming her fingers on the rock, Akane considered, finally snapping her fingers and teleporting down to her sandal. "Of course! Why wouldn't other master villains get the idea of making a backup? Riding the threads of fate until finally everything came together for a comeback!"  
  
Picking the sandal up, Akane frowned. "So who am I? Kefka, the scientist who solved the riddle of the espers and found how not only to kill them but crystallize them into a living death where their powers could be used by humans? Hojo, who helped to build the great reactors that tapped the very life force of the planet? Saruman who made a deal with the Lord Of Mordor?"  
  
Akane considered as she slipped her foot into the errant sandal. "Well, that decision will take me awhile. In the meantime, a change of wardrobe seems necessary."  
  
A worn gi and a pair of sandals, not to mention the pink panties or sports bra, were obviously not appropriate for this environment. One piece of magicite glowed as Akane focussed its power.  
  
Her clothing shredded immediately, becoming a cloud of wispy fragments that briefly whipped around her before congealing once again. Now she was dressed in a tight halter top, with thick boots on her feet, and a pair of hiking shorts.   
  
Unfortunately the hiking shorts had appeared on top of her head, which kind of spoiled the effect until Akane could put them on properly.   
  
Now somewhat better attired, Akane looked about before deciding that the nearest source of magical power was THAT way. Why spend time accruing power of your own when murdering others and stealing *theirs* was so much more efficient?  
  
-------  
  
Nabiki had been ready to make a long list of demands. She had been ready to shout and protest and complain. When she'd been turned loose finally, she'd picked up a stout club to defend herself with.  
  
One of these hooded figures had said a word in some odd language, passed his hand in front of her face, and things had gotten a little strange after that. Her mind had gone sort of numb, the feeling being similar to what happened to your mouth not too long after the dentist gave you a shot of that stuff to keep you from feeling dental work.   
  
She had an exhibitionist streak, which she usually indulged by wearing short-shorts, tight tops, and similar clothing. Standing up on a platform, stripping, then putting on some garments that looked as if they'd belong on a dancer in a "1001 Nights" tale wouldn't have embarassed her that much even without the numbness.   
  
Even though she couldn't move her eyes (among everything else) on her own, Nabiki had continued to observe and analyze. The idea that she was going to be violated faded out after they had gone into the tents.  
  
EVERYONE, including the riders she'd seen earlier, was actually a woman. And each and every one of the girls present would have spawned an idol club just from their near flawless appearance. Though they seemed cold and with a distinct lack of friendliness.   
  
Nabiki was given water, and the amount she was allowed to drink carefully watched. Nabiki was marched into another room, where she was examined by yet another woman, this one much older than the riders.  
  
Finally she was led to another tent, and stood there as several of these women and finally a few men took seats. Though she couldn't focus in on them, Nabiki could tell that they were some sort of gaijin with odd colored hair and strangely angled features.  
  
"Stranger girl, she has offered insult," the middle aged woman said. "She bears the taint of darkness, and darkness surrounds her future. Walking an evil path, what should we do to her?"  
  
"Train her as a dancing slave?" A woman's voice, sounding amused.  
  
"She may be an Amazon," said a man's voice, though very feminine in inflection, "we may be able to sell her back to them."  
  
"Turn her into a statue, then leave her in the desert." Another male voice, this one much rougher.  
  
"There's an idea. No, Pfineas, not petrification. What about transformation? It's been a long time since we've used a faerie circle and turned someone into something useful." A woman's voice, thick with age.  
  
"There *is* a stone circle nearby," said the first woman's voice, sounding speculative. "But what to turn her into?"  
  
"A tree!"  
  
"No, no! A camel!"  
  
"We've got enough camels, and we're not out to kill her. A tree would die out here. How about something useful to our Rebellion?"  
  
"Hah! Not sure how much useful you can make with THAT as raw material. Maybe if we rip her soul from her body and use it to animate an iron golem?"  
  
"Against the forces of the Empire? If we used an iron golem it would just be cheap labor and provide target practice. Hmmm. What about turning her into a dragon?"  
  
"My Domination spell wouldn't last ten seconds if she was a dragon!"  
  
"How about a landragon? A True Dragon is faster and more intelligent, but a landragon is more powerful and meaner!"  
  
Nabiki began to get worried through the numbness.  
  
"Well, well, look at that. Little Miss Mouth hasn't adapted to the Rules."  
  
"WHAT?!" This was an odd chorus.  
  
"An Outsider? Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah. Well, this complicates things enormously, doesn't it?" The old woman's voice was humorous. "A Polymorph is less certain. Even petrification might be only temporary."  
  
"Why not turn her into something easy to transport, we'll decide later. This at least proves she's not a spy for the Empire."  
  
--------  
  
OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE  
OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE  
  
ROCKBALL  
Conjuration (Creation)  
LEVEL: Earth 5, Sor/Wiz 5  
COMPONENTS: V,S,M  
CASTING TIME: 1 action  
RANGE: Touch (rock appears next to caster)  
EFFECT: Stone sphere 11' across  
DURATION: Instant  
SAVING THROW: see text  
SPELL RESISTANCE: None  
"Stone now come ye to my call, hard and heavy and strong and tall."  
While at first the spell may seem ludicrous, it was developed by the Delphins for ship-to-ship combat. A pebble of stone is placed where the mage can cast the spell, and the pebble becomes a perfectly smooth 11' sphere. The Delphins used them with catapults. It is also used when a mage has the high ground, or when a 10' corridor needs a roadblock.   
Alternate versions include Sphere Of Ice, Sphere of Iron, and Sphere Of Bread (This last was developed by the Delphins mage Alphonse during his college party days. It doesn't taste good but is edible for the first two days. Nobody, including Alphonse, knows *why* the spell works, just that it does.)  
  
Alphonse- Delphins Mage m  
The mage Alphonse is famous in 7th Age Aramar for the creation of many potent spells. Unfortunately, he was not even vaguely competent as a spellcaster unless he was drunk. Drunk, however, he could create spells "on the fly" and modify existing spells to wondrous effect. Unfortunately, most of his spells created thus qualify as silly at best. Alphonse is credited with creating spells like "Wall Of Lint", "Sphere Of Bread", "Static Cling", "Alphonse' Wondrous Wedgie", "Summon Dust", "Pink", and "Minor Globe of Vulnerability".   
  



End file.
